Tell the story....

Okay, so it's been months, not a year, so we're making progress. I wish I could say that my increased ability to focus was in direct proportion to the state of the world, but....

Dear reader, things have gotten progressively worse, but we have no choice but to keep going, right? 

In more direct terms, the horrors persist, nevertheless, so do I.

I'm still querying my first book and preparing to start querying my second. I'm trying to stay optimistic despite the reality of how difficult it was to break into publishing before (gestures wildly around me), all of this began. Add the issue of rising costs on everything, library funding being cut, and the increasing attack of book bans, and one might (should) ask why I would want to do this. Why would I want to persist? Because in times like these, art is one of the few ways we have to truly express how we are feeling. We use our talents to connect with others who are feeling the same way we do. If I had any talent with a paintbrush, I would be Van Goghing the hell out of a canvas right now. If I were an actor, I would be searching for roles that involve leading a rebellion. If I were Taylor Swift, I would be writing the next Who's Afraid of Little Old Me. 

I have a computer and a small ability to tell a story, and up until now, they've been quiet ones. My first is about a ghost whisperer who desperately wants to be a normal teenager. My second one involves undiagnosed anxiety, reincarnation, and redemption. I love my characters and the soft stories they have to tell. But this past year, an idea came to me that was outside my comfort zone. It links back to the first time I heard Taylor Swift's Who's Afraid of Little Old Me. I remember having a visceral reaction to the anger of the song. I wondered what would happen if the good person was pushed too far, and would the consequences really be their fault? So, last summer, I wrote a basic outline and a couple of chapters that explored supernatural abilities and bullying. I set it aside after that, planning to return when my second book was finished, but I have to admit that part of me worried. This isn't what I write. Thrillers, even borderline horror, are not something I thought I identified with. I can read those stories, but I didn't feel like I had it in me to write anything close...but ideas have been coming to me. I don't want to give anything away, but my outline expanded to include women's health, false Christianity, and feminine rage. 

Maybe, because of the current world, I do have it in me. I hope one day my story will connect with someone else....

In the meantime, I'm still absorbing as much art as I can.

Books I read:

Wilder Girls - Rory Power - An all-girls school under quarantine after a virus outbreak that alters them physically. I was looking for some inspiration for my female rage story, and this certainly gave some insight. 

Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show - Bethany Joy Lenz - Wow! An absorbing study of how someone can get pulled into a cult, as well as an examination of how someone's spiritual beliefs can be used to control them.

Books I'm reading:

When the World Tips Over - Jandy Nelson - Jandy's books are set in reality but infused with such magic. So jealous of her storytelling.

Our Infinite Fates - Laura Stevens - I've been patiently waiting for this book, especially since it was compared to my favorite, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. It also contains a reincarnation plot like my second story. Two souls who are destined to love and kill each other in a thousand lifetimes - what?? 

What I'm listening to: 

Cacophony - Paris Paloma - Pretty sure there's a reason her song Labour is receiving so much attention right now.

Mayhem - Lady Gaga - She's always reinventing herself, and I appreciate that her song How Bad Do U Want Me, is filling my Taylor Swift void for new music :) :)

What I'm watching:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Hear me out. I remember watching this in the 90s, but I had forgotten so much of it. For some reason, watching demons getting taken out in every episode is oddly comforting. 

The Handmaid's Tale - I'm not technically watching, as the final season doesn't start for another 4 days, but I am psyching myself up for it. I read the book in college and found it to be such a chilling and yet far-off story. The series debuted in 2017, which seems like 10 lifetimes ago. Unfortunately, the story no longer seems far-fetched. As the saying goes, objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are....

I would love to hear how you're using your talents and gifts to connect with others, and as always, what are you reading?! :)

~Adrienne

The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion....Albert Camus

In times of universal deceit, telling the truth will be a revolutionary act....George Orwell

I know, I know how long it’s been. I don’t need the lecture. In all fairness, I have been writing, editing, and querying. So yes, I have been doing all the writing.

Just not here.

But let’s just move on, shall we?

So, like I said, I have been doing all of the things related to writing and books…except for reading. I don’t know about anyone else, but for the last two months of 2024, my brain went into some kind of shutdown mode when it came to reading. Up until then, I had been rolling happily along, reading daily before it came to a screeching halt. I couldn’t pinpoint anything specific. It seemed to be gradual; one day, I would read a few paragraphs before realizing I couldn’t recall anything that I had read. Other times, I would feel physically exhausted the minute I started reading. It didn’t matter if I was in bed at 10 pm or in a chair at 4 pm. Everything would shut down. The last straw was heightened anxiety that made it impossible to focus on anything (except for doom scrolling). So I stopped, fully gave up, and didn’t pick up a book for the rest of the year. It was so bad that I didn’t make my reading goal for the year. Up to that point, I’d been on track to exceed my goal. I had only ever not met it during Covid.

I started thinking back on that time and realized the cause was extreme anxiety over not knowing what was coming. At that time, it was so bad that I also couldn’t write. However, something did change after a few months, and the desire to read came back in full force, followed by the writing. I can’t pinpoint exactly what changed back then, but I think it had to do with realizing the world wasn’t going to fix itself miraculously and I wouldn’t have to worry anymore. If anything, it would most likely remain a dumpster fire. Books were one of the few things that could bring me true happiness, even if for only a few hours.

I think I also let the holidays be an excuse. There’s so much to do during that time, so many distractions, things to take us away from the news of the day. When the holidays ended, there were no more distractions, just a startling sense of reality and how soon things would be changing again. Around that time, I noticed a lot of artists online talking about using art (music, painting, crocheting, and obviously writing) as a form of rebellion, even protest, against the darkness of the world. It wasn’t an immediate ah-ha moment, but more of a “yeah, why the F&$!#% am I letting them take joy away from me along with everything else?”  

I wish I could tell you that I don’t doom scroll anymore or worry about every little thing. But I stopped watching or listening to the news and tried to watch more videos about art, music, books, etc. I walk a fine line between needing to stay informed and not losing my mind. Some days, I do better than others. More than anything, I’ve made it a point to do something creative and absorb something creative. I’m proud to report that I have read four books since the first of the year. My hope this year is not that I’ll meet my reading goal but that there will be more minutes spent reading than doom scrolling. I hope the same for you, my friends.

If you need any inspiration, here’s what I’ve been reading:

·       The Small and the Mighty: Twelve Unsung Americans Who Changed the Course of History from the Founding to the Civil Rights Movement – Sharon McMahon – Boy, if you need some inspiration during these times, this is the book for you. Especially if you feel like only powerful people can change things.

·       How it Feels to Float – Helena Fox – I’ve been looking for stories to use as a comp for the book I’m currently editing (YA/Anxiety/Reincarnation), and this story felt right: grief, severe anxiety, and just being a teenager in today’s world.

·       The House in the Cerulean Sea – T.J. Klune – This book has been on my list for months, and my hold finally came in a week ago. After I finished it, I wrote an Instagram post for a particular quote and how this was the book I needed during this time. I don’t even know how to describe it other than - cozy fantasy, found family and the antichrist thrown in. Just read it…..

·       The Magician’s Assistant – Ann Patchett – I am a HUGE Ann Patchett fan, but there are a few of her older books that I somehow missed, and this was one. I have to be honest – some of her books I don’t know that I would have ever read based just on the description…Thankfully, I learned to ignore the blurbs years ago and have never looked back. I’m telling you right now - I will read the phone book if she ever comes out with a new version of it. No one writes about relationships and everyday lives like she does. I didn’t expect to be invested in a former magician’s assistant living in LA who found out that her late husband had a family she never knew about. Nor did I expect to care about that family living in the middle of Nebraska. I suspect I wouldn’t have either if it was anyone but Ann telling the story.  

Please let me know what you’ve been reading! We need to share all the stories…

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.” – Ray Bradbury.

“Literature is the most agreeable way of ignoring life.” - Fernando Pessoa

“Maybe this is why we read, and why in moments of darkness we return to books: to find words for what we already know.” - Alberto Manguel

 

Be well….

~Adrienne